My Mind's Eye

Sit and Be

2011-11-25T16:16:00.000-08:00

We, as a whole, have become too comfortable with comfort. Pain is avoided at cost and rightfully so. But there's a difference between avoiding pain and running from it. By all means I want to avoid pain at all cost too. But pain in others is nothing to run from. Fireman, law enforcement and military run towards danger to save us. They put their own emotions aside to meet us in our most terrifying times of need. There's something deep down inside them that beckons them to silence that voice in their head that is yelling "don't go...it's going to be painful." They cannot silence it but we, as a whole, can. For the first time in my life I cannot silence the voice in my head anymore. It's yelling at me to go and sit with others in their pain. Be their comfort. Save them. I by no means am joining the ranks of our heroes but am promising that in my everyday life I am willing to simply go be with those that are in pain.

So, who are you sitting with?

Love it or leave it

2011-11-05T08:40:00.000-07:00

If you don't love what you do then you can't expect great results...

Never Stop Laughing

2011-10-28T09:31:00.000-07:00

Man do I miss him. Not sure why today. He taught me a lot. Much more than I thought I would ever learn. There is one lesson that sticks above the rest: never stop laughing. The latter part of his life he battled against Parkinson's and dementia yet he never stopped laughing. In the darkest of days he smiled, told a joke or gave one of those "I'm up to something" looks. He didn't get to pick his battles. He was thrown into them. He never complained. He never asked why. He just fought and laughed. Man do I miss him.

Back

2011-10-09T21:25:00.000-07:00

Been a while since I've posted...could list a lot of reasons why and while some have been life changing events, none of them are any greater than anyone else's reasons. We all have valleys and summits and that will never change. It's not what valley or summit we come through - it's what we do while we're going through them. Life is good. Life is busy...don't let busy stop you from doing what brings you joy. Choose joy everyday. So, dust off whatever you've put on hold because of your reason...I am...

Big Lessons From Small Teachers

2008-08-21T12:50:00.000-07:00

On a plane from Sacramento to Dallas with a final destination of Nashville, I met Taylor. He as 12 years old headed to Charlotte. He had just finished spending the summer with his mom and was headed back for the school year. He was flying alone and was in tears. His seat happened to be next to mine.

As he told me his story of how his parents divorced and the tribulations he went through, my heart was hurting. Looking for comfort he reached into his bag and pulled out a stuffed leopard he got in San Francisco. In front of him was a girl the same age traveling with her grandparents. She had a stuffed blue jay. She spotted Taylor and instantly put her bird on the top of her seat hoping he would respond. Taylor did not notice the bird or her gesture at first. After a few minutes Taylor put his leopard next to her bird. As both stuffed animals stared at each other, I had the perfect view of two wide smiles and bright eyes. Taylor and the girl never talked but there was some connection through their stuffed animals.

Later in the flight, Taylor asked me if there were blankets on the plane. The young girl heard him asking and stuck her arms through the seats with her blanket in hand. Taylor declined her offer graciously - he didn't want her to have to give up the blanket.

In front of me were my two small teachers. Not knowing anything about each other they connected through two stuffed animals. Not speaking a word to each other but willing to give up a blanket.

24 hours later I'm still taken back how simple communication can be. How simple giving yourself away can be. How simple life can be. How simple reaching across boundaries can be. How simple living a life where we all can coexist through true unconditional love can be.

Disappointment

2008-06-18T12:05:00.001-07:00

Growing up I was never worried about being in trouble with my parents. We were never grounded or lost privileges. I only worried about disappointing my parents and the adults in my life that were role models in one way or another. I remember the first time I was told "you disappointed me." It tore me up. I thought I had learned my lesson in disappointment.

Now, nine days before my 27th birthday, I am getting my real lesson on disappointment. I have spent the last two days walking through a realization. One that tears me up more than when I disappointed someone. I have come to realize and understand that sooner or later everyone will disappoint you. It is easy to shake it off when it comes from someone you are not deeply attached to - you do not have a never ending love for them. However, when it is someone you would lay your life down for - give anything to see them happy - it wrecks you in a way that cannot be shaken.

It ranges in the depth and the reality. Sometimes it is something so simple and small. Sometimes it is too big to fit in a room.

As 27 approaches, I am learning. As I learn, I can only come up with one easy answer: I only wish I was made with thicker skin.

Being Content In All Situations

2007-08-26T18:43:00.001-07:00

I've started to realize that when I'm serving those who are suffering (in one way or another), I feel truly alive...that place where I want to be the most...where life actually matters. I find myself wanting to be somewhere that does not care whether or not you have money or a new car or what your last name is...places where we all that matters is that we are all sisters and brothers...living the same life...walking on the same planet...whether it be Uganda, Mexico, or California...life is lived walking along those who others pass by.

Big Brother

2006-09-09T00:46:00.000-07:00

Clemson's McElrathbey Raises Young Brother

The alarm sounds at 6:15 a.m. and Clemson freshman Ray Ray McElrathbey starts a routine like few others in college football.

Along with classes, film work, defensive back meetings and football practice, McElrathbey sees that his 11-year-old brother, Fahmarr, is dressed and fed, finishes his homework and makes it to middle school on time.

McElrathbey, 19, has temporary custody of his brother because of his mother's continuing drug problems and his father's gambling addiction. The two brothers have shared experiences in foster homes and now share an apartment by the campus.

They live solely off McElrathbey's scholarship while Clemson's athletic department tries to get a waiver from the NCAA that might let them accept donations without jeopardizing McElrathbey's football eligibility.

McElrathbey sought custody because he was tired of worrying what might happen to Fahmarr living with their mother in Atlanta, Georgia.

"I wasn't going to let him go back to a foster home, back to the system," McElrathbey says. The transition from football player to caregiver is one McElrathbey has cherished since Fahmarr's arrival in June.

"As a brother, it was still me first. As a parent, it's him first," McElrathbey says. "Before I do anything for me, got to do stuff for him."

The elder McElrathbey sounds like a father discussing the struggles of managing a sixth-grader. It often takes two or three shouts before Fahmarr rises and puts on his clothes. McElrathbey signs off on his brother's homework, meets with guidance counselors and tries to keep more fruit around the house.

McElrathbey has no car, so a teammate or friend gives Fahmarr a ride to R.C. Edwards Middle School. Fahmarr returns to Clemson in the afternoons, often starting his homework at Vickery Hall, Clemson's athletic academic center, or a football coach's office while his older brother works out with the team.

After Tuesday's practice, Fahmarr was in his brother's orange No. 9 jersey throwing the ball to McElrathbey while teammates walked by saying hello or joking with him.

"It's fun living with my brother because we like the same things," Fahmarr said.

After practice, the pair return home. There's dinner, school work and some brotherly time before Fahmarr is asleep and McElrathbey catches up on his assignments, school and football. A big night of fun might be a movie with a teammate or friend.

McElrathbey doesn't mind sacrificing the kind of college life he hears about from teammates.

"My pastor told me it's the Lord wanting to slow me down. I'll take it as that," he said.

McElrathbey has seven brothers and sisters. Because of his mother's addiction, her children have been separated, some ending in foster care as she went to rehab, McElrathbey said.

McElrathbey's mother copes well without the stress of her large family, her son says. Other times she has vowed to get clean and go through rehab, but once she was again raising her children, her problems would resurface, McElrathbey said.

McElrathbey used sports to keep himself out of trouble, often living with coaches or other mentors who kept him in school and focused on the future. When McElrathbey came to Clemson, he couldn't help but fret over Fahmarr.

"You didn't see him at Christmas dinner in Orlando crying in my arms because of his brother," Clemson defensive coordinator Vic Koenning said.

While many in the athletic department have asked to help the McElrathbeys, Clemson must be careful the help is not seen as extra benefits in violation of NCAA rules. Clemson and the ACC have worked on a waiver request to the NCAA, athletic spokesman Tim Bourret said.

Koenning doesn't understand why his wife or other members of Clemson's coaching family can't assist with a trip to the grocery store or school. "I can take two boxes of toys out of my basement and give them to Goodwill, but I can't give them to Ray Ray?"

McElrathbey has no time left for a job, but makes extra spending money washing cars or mowing lawns. He says there is nothing they need he can't afford. "I just had to get rid of the 'great' things, what I call the material things," McElrathbey said.

The NCAA says it's working with Clemson and the ACC on the best solution to assist the McElrathbeys. While the rules prohibit most benefits beyond what comes with the scholarship, "individual circumstances can and are taken into consideration in unusual situations," the NCAA said in a statement.

Clemson safety Michael Hamlin often drives McElrathbey and Fahmarr, and takes Fahmarr for a bite when his older brother's tied up. "He's like a little clown. Everybody likes being around him," Hamlin said.

McElrathbey is glad for the help he gets. He's more happy knowing Fahmarr is safe and sound. The younger McElrathbey told his older brother he is a celebrity on campus now.

Fahmarr was supposed to be in Clemson temporarily. But now McElrathbey expects to maintain custody of his younger brother throughout his teen years. He stays as upbeat as possible and won't dwell on his mother's problems because it doesn't help him or, more importantly, Fahmarr. McElrathbey dreams his mother might one day stay drug free to guide her children, but isn't counting on it.

"You can't get mad at people for being who they are," he said. "You can accept it or you don't, but either way you can't get mad about it because it doesn't help."

CNN. Copyright 2006 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.

POSTED: 9:24 p.m. EDT, September 5, 2006

Getting There

2006-09-09T00:19:00.000-07:00

in the Atlanta airport
our flight from Atlanta to London...we had no clue what long meant
our plane in Dubai
all that we would see of the Middle East
finally boarding a plane that was truly going to Africa
the road to my dream

Why I Am Going Back

2006-09-09T00:14:00.000-07:00

When In Rome...

2006-09-08T23:59:00.000-07:00

Understanding Need

2006-09-08T23:42:00.000-07:00

Eyes

2006-09-08T23:30:00.000-07:00

The Way Of Life

2006-09-08T22:39:00.000-07:00

The Country

2006-09-08T22:27:00.000-07:00

The Team

2006-09-08T22:21:00.000-07:00

the Chico team

the Chico and Montana team--one team

Mission Accomplished

2006-09-08T22:07:00.000-07:00

Loving Them

2006-09-08T21:46:00.000-07:00

Getting Here And There

2006-09-08T21:31:00.000-07:00

Flying Mzungus

2006-09-08T21:04:00.000-07:00

Safari

2006-09-08T18:37:00.000-07:00

me and the locals

Murchison Falls

crocodiles

hippos

the lone elephant

sunrise in Murchison Falls...the safari begins

the view

night time

the lodge from the Nile

The Journey Home

2006-09-08T18:15:00.000-07:00

flying over Iceland

our last sunset in Africa

flying out of Entebe late in the night

As You Like It

2006-07-06T22:13:00.000-07:00

"All the world 's a stage, and all the men and women merely players. They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts"

-William Shakespeare
As You Like It
(Act II, Scene VII).

Heaven On Earth

2006-07-01T23:38:00.000-07:00

Lake McDonald, Glacier National Park

-QT Luoung

Love Those Who Cannot Love Back

2006-02-18T16:01:00.000-08:00

I can always count on having a Valentine...yes, it may sound a little sappy, but it's my parents. They still send me a Valentine. And every year Santa and the Easter Bunny visit. I became cynical about Valentine's Day in junior high...around 5th grade...shortly after the entire class was not required to give everybody a Valentine. It wasn't until this year that I was glad to see Valentine's Day.

My cynical approach was not erased merely because I finally had a Valentine besides my parents, but because I finally came to see, what I believe to be, the true meaning of celebrating love.

We, as humans, have questioned (and still do question) the meaning of life. With no answer, we continue to scratch our head and look up. Is the answer in the heavens? Is there a heaven? Will we ever know? Who is right in their beliefs? Can we all be right?

Regardless of our eternal beliefs, there is an answer that we can all agree on. Just with any multiple choice test, there are answers that "best fit" the question. I believe that the best fit answer to the question "What is the purpose of life?" is: to love.

With love comes relationships. Sounds simple...but life is not simple, so how does that work?

We all know that love is not simple. Our loves (relationships) challenge us, disappoint us, anger us, hurt us, and, ultimately, leave us. Yet, we would never stop loving them. We cannot fathom the thought. So why do we not love those who cannot love back?

Because when you love somebody they love you back. A fair answer and seems completely rational. We, as humans, all have needs. We all need something in return. It's true. Even the most giving and unselfish need something. It's a human need for survival. But if we can love someone even when they challenge us, disappoint us, anger us, hurt us, and, ultimately, leave us, then why can't we love those who cannot love us back?

Now, I'm not naive and I'm not trying to make a blanket statement that we, humans, are cruel. I see charitable acts daily. I know of people who give even when they are in need. Yet, we (as a whole) still struggle to love those who cannot love us back.

Why? I do not know. A part of me thinks it may be because the world is too big, but then I come back to my belief that if we all loved one person who could not love us back, we would change the world. So I am left to believe that the reason is because we are too afraid to give our love away. Not because we are keeping it for someone else, but because by loving you must be willing to share your heart...to put a neon light on your heart that says "OPEN...please come in."

My biggest guilt in life is my unwillingness to open my heart completely. I let people in, but only those I know that will never challenge me, disappoint me, anger me, and, ultimately, leave me. I have known this for awhile. Many who know me have known this for awhile. It was only until recently that I realized that this is what is stopping me from finding my place in the world.

Not only must I be willing to let others in, but I must also be willing to be challenged, disappointed, angered and, ultimately, be left. But more importantly, I will be able to love those who cannot love me back. I will be able to see beyond any barriers that separate me from those who cannot love me back. I will be able to walk with those who cannot love me back. But more important than who I will love is one simple fact: I will be able to love. Myself included.

I will be ok with not getting a Valentine. After all, it's not about getting, but giving.

Who We Are

2005-11-22T09:10:00.000-08:00

"How we live is the ultimate expression of what we truly believe."

It has been sometime since I have been comfortable in my own skin. I cannot remember the exact time in my life where I did not get up and worry about how I looked, what I would wear, what people would think, or if I would have someone to talk to at the end of the day. I cannot remember the last time, but lately I have remembered how it feels not to worry.

I think, know, that we all go through a time in our life where we feel frumpy and awkward. We all have a school picture that humbles us. I, myself, have a whole collection that could be used to play a card game. My pictures are a reminder of the struggles that I encountered growing-up. Never once did my family's support stumble. Never once did I doubt my family's support. It was the outside world that challenged me. My response was not to stand-up and shout "Here I am. Take me or leave me." My response was to busy myself. As long as I was moving, doing, running, or sleeping, the outside world could not declare victory.

The past month has been typical from the outside perspective. I have not met the girl of my dreams, landed the job of my dreams, or found the answer to the age-old question "What is the purpose of life?" I have found myself-in a simple and a non-Hollywood blockbuster moment. I can now stand-up and shout "Here I am. Take me or leave me."

We all are taken on a journey that defines us. We all find ourselves. We all stumble. We all fall. Looking back, I can now see that it was not my moments of glory that defined me, but it was in my stumbles and when I fell that I found myself, when I was defined.

I will stumble and fall again...I hope so because these are the moments where I found myself.

Now that I have found myself, I can start to live. I do not have to busy myself. I do not have to worry. Life happens. If I worry about it all to much then I am missing some of the best moments.

"Adversity does not build character...it reavls it."

Who we truly are is revealed.